Quick to judge. Slow to understand.

It has been a long time since I have posted. Life was starting to even out and I was settling into the grind of working as much as possible and going to school while still trying to have any sense of a social life. On January 18th, I filed for divorce. It was three months since Ross had left. Something interesting started happening. All of the sudden Ross decided that he wanted to come back. Why after three months did he decide he wanted to come back? Well, I have my theory. A side of the story that most of you havent heard. I know that he has been talking to people from church asking them to pray for restoration of our marriage. I have been largely silent on the subject because I didnt want to deal with the drama. Quite frankly, I've had enough. Im tired of being made out to be the bad guy because I don't want to get back together with him. After all he has done, no one who actually knows the story would blame me. I am not going to get on here and air all of our dirty laundry, but just know that some of you have been very quick to judge about the situation and not a single one of you has even talked to me about it. That is hurtful.
 I will continue to pursue a divorce. God has blessed me immensely through this situation and I do not believe that I am outside of His will in this situation. Not one time, has Beau or I suffered even though I am the ONLY ONE providing for our son. This situation IS what is best for Beau and me. I am a 21 year old single mother, going through a divorce, working 50+ hours a week, and still managing to pursue my degree. You dont have to understand or even agree with my situation, but please do not judge me. 
 

A Bump in the Road.

So here we are 6 weeks into my journey. Felt like Ive had a huge setback the last week. Sure, there have been some things transpire that makes it that much harder but the truth is, the whole situation is just catching up to me. I remember in the first few days that I was so ashamed of what happened. I just didnt understand what was happening to my life and why it was spinning out of control. People would ask me if there was anything I needed, "Anything? Anything at all? We can help with whatever you need," they would say to me. I was to embarrassed at the time to tell them that I didnt know how I was going to make ends meet. That after I got done buying Beau food and diapers, I didnt have money to buy him clothes and toys. I was unbelievably grateful for the people who came to his birthday. Y'all were so generous. You gave him so many things that I never could've ever afforded for him.

But, the truth is that ends still do not meet. I wasnt considering the extra cost that is actually included in returning to work. Seems like I had more money when I wasnt working.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the material things. That is what security is built on right? If you ask anyone who is in the world, they will probably agree with that. Im glad that I know something so much greater. Im glad that I know a God who covers every fear with his love and grace. Im glad that I know a God who is bigger than the cost of any item. Im glad that I know a God who provides for me. Every. Single. Time.

Im glad knowing that I can have my bumps in the road and He is right there next to me the whole ride. Im glad because of Him. 

Psalm 31:7:

    ⁷ I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,
      for you have seen my troubles,
      and you care about the anguish of my soul.